Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
