Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
