You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
