Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
