i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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