Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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