Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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