I molested 6 butterflies tonight
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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