there's paper in my vomit.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
