just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
