I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
