my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
