Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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