she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
