You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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