They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
there is glitter all over my balls
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