New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
