In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
