Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
