is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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