Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
