I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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