Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
