watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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