Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
