u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
