It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There r osticjed everywhere
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
