So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
me + whiskey = a bad person
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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