so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
