If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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