I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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