My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she looked like the before picture.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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