Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
