dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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