Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just threw up on my dentist
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
