I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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