Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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