Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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