I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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