maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
