People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
