I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
