I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
