thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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