He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
