I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dicks are not precious.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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