Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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