I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
