There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
