so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize