You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
