if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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