Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
