ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
