I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
