I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
