I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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