just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
